Until I have photos, recapping the wedding feels a little pointless, but photos will come soon.

In the meantime, I will tell you these things . . . .

• My dress was awesome.
• My shoes were even more awesome.
• My bridesmaids looked ridiculously hot.
• Todd made an amazing cake topper for us out of modeling chocolate.
• After remaining calm, cool, and collected leading up to the wedding, I sobbed all the way through the vows.
• I'm pretty sure my wedding planner has superpowers.
• Between the red lighting in the reception and the fantastic swing band, I felt at one moment like I was in a jazz club for supervillains.
• My flower girl traded Labyrinth quips with my male bridesmaid.
• My dog was the best ring bearer ever.

I am beyond happy and still glowing.  Thanks a gazillion to all involved.

 I've invited seventy-eight people to my wedding.  Eight have RSVP'd.  The deadline I set for this is Friday.

Dude.

I'm actually pretty good about returning RSVP cards, so I'm not even being a hypocrite here when I say, "Okay, seriously?  RUDE.  I best be seeing your response card in my mailbox within the next forty-eight hours or I will punch you in the nuts.  Even if you are a woman."

Don't assume that I JUST KNOW you are coming.  Short of my own parents, I don't.  In the wedding?  I still need you to reply because I don't know if you're bringing a date of any kind.

The food for the wedding is coming in just under a hundred bucks a head and the caterers might like to know how many people to cook for.  I need to rent linens, so knowing how many tables there will be would be just great.  Todd's making the cake, and would probably appreciate knowing how many people it will need to feed.

Seriously.

I'm spread really thin right now between derby, wedding, work, other work, and more work.  I'm sleeping an average of four hours a night.  No insomnia, it's just that four hours is all I have time for.  I probably receive around a hundred emails a day between work and spam and countless IM's from coworkers with problems they feel are urgent.

Tonight at practice, when my captains were telling me what great drive and attendance I have all I could think is that I must be putting up one hell of a facade.  My drive is down around zero and my attendance is good because I know skipping one practice will lead to skipping the next five.  Since around the time I hurt my ankle, my enthusiasm for derby has gone straight to hell.  Every time I got snapped at tonight while scrimmaging for things I wasn't able to do to this or that person's satisfaction, I just sort of nodded and inwardly rolled my eyes where six months ago I would have put up some kind of fight and/or taken it to heart.

Our season ends mid-October, and we take November and December off.  As burnt out as I am right now, I have huge enthusiasm for next season.  We have a lot of great new girls and can finally form a B team so we're not all fighting for spots on one roster.   I'm giving serious thought to taking October off to avoid losing my mind between Todd's new shop opening and the wedding.  I guess the only doubt I have lies in the idea that this is almost like dropping out of high school your senior year.  I mean, it's almost over.  Why not just tough it out? *

Anyhow, that's where I am right now.  Opinions and such are welcome.



*answer:  because I will lose my mind

I recently had a photo shoot for roller derby.  It was a little nostalgic and weird being in a studio and in front of a camera after so long, but I had fun.  The whole idea was something to go along with my derby persona, and mine is that I was raised by cats.

All photos copyright 2009, Media Arts Group Akron, OH.




( more behind the cut! )

Thanks for all the well-wishes.

I'm doing much, much better.  Breathing normal, moving at my normal speed, talking normally, lifting things, and whatnot.  The prednisone had surprisingly few side effects.  It made me an insane, sweaty, drooling mess back in high school.

So, I'm not doing too well.

Sunday night at practice, I had an epic asthma attack. Blacked out momentarily a couple of times. Still having chest pains on Monday. Called the doctor Tuesday. Went Wednesday, at which point my breathing had gotten really shallow and I couldn't speak above a whisper.

Verdict from the doctor: I had a massive allergic reaction to whatever sort of mold and/or cooties that are living in the walls/floor/ceiling at Springfield Lake Roller Rink. Heavily inflamed lungs, one partially collapsed. I fainted at the doctor's office. They put me on a nebulizer to open my lungs back up. I'll be on prednisone the next couple of weeks to take the swelling down.

I'm in a fair amount of pain and my breathing is still really shallow.  Speaking more than a few sentences, lifting anything, or walking more than about twenty paces makes me lose my breath.

I really hope my team can find a new practice space soon as this one seems to want me to die.

 To shake up my workout routine a bit and make myself a better derby player, I've started doing Crossfit.  It's pretty awesome.  However, some of my . . . ummm . . . assets make certain lifts a little harder for me.  I think I managed to embarrass the trainer this morning.

We were doing squat cleans.  If you don't know what one is, here's a video.  They're a full-body exercise that looks pretty badass.  I was having some trouble pulling the weight right into my chest and couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong.  Poor trainer had to stop me and point out, after having some trouble finding the words, that my huge boobs were getting in the way.  I just busted (no pun intended) out laughing and he turned bright red.

I must say, though, that once I figured out how to work around my chest, I could do a decent squat clean.

 I'd been pretty wound up for a decent while about the alcohol at my wedding.  I didn't want to have any and was thinking that the venue was going to insist on it.  I sent my wedding planner the following email:

Todd and I have been discussing this at length for a few weeks, and
I'd like to know if Park Lane would allow us to NOT serve alcohol at
the wedding?  Here's my reasoning.

1.  For medical reasons, neither of us are able to drink.
2.  My dad is a teetotaler for moral reasons and is seriously
uncomfortable around alcohol.
3.  Todd's parents are strict Southern Baptists and are religiously
opposed to drinking.
4.  One of my bridesmaids is Baha'i and is also religiously opposed to drinking.
5.  Both my older brother and a very good friend of mine are recently
recovered alcoholics and I'd rather not "put them in harm's way."
6.  I have a couple of friends who are, well, active alcoholics and,
love them as much as I do, I'm worried about them overdoing it and
making a scene.

With it being Halloween night and maybe even getting a little cold by
then, we talked about maybe seeing if Marigold can do something like
cocoa or hot cider?

Thanks,
Gwyn

(I also admit I'm not too enthusiastic about shelling out for an open bar that I can't enjoy, and thanks to my years stripping, I'm terribly uncomfortable around drunks.)

 . . . and  . . . SUCCESS!  We shall have a booze-free wedding with lovely mocktails!  I'm more relieved about this than words can say.

Here are my answers to the Words game, words provided by mimerki .  If you want to play, say "words" in the comments and I will give you five words that remind me of you.  You will make a post like this one.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

derby
I assumed this means roller derby. I joined the Northeast Ohio Rock n Roller Girls in October. It's become a huge part of my life and I couldn't imagine being without it. It's been a challenge for me since I hadn't skated since childhood and wasn't much good at it then, but I must admit I'm hugely proud of how far I've come. I was pegged for being ready to compete when our home season started in May, but I hurt my ankle and am still dealing with that while my uniform sits pristine in my dresser. As of last week, I'm finally feeling like myself at practice again. Now that I'm not so preoccupied with my ankle, I have my head back in the game and am ready to lay some bitches out.

TKK
My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult. They were my favoritest band ever for many, many years and I've seen them live upwards of ten times. The last few shows just kind of depressed me, though, as I can see their performing ability declining as years of the rock n roll lifestyle take their toll.

bras
Heh. Boobs. I don't have the easiest time finding bras that fit, due to the fact that I have what Todd calls a Tyrannosaurus Rack.  Bravissimo is a great place to get pretty ones in my size, and I swear by the Enell sports bra for, well, sports.

Las Vegas
Only the best city in the entire universe! I landed there in 2003, searching for whatever it is we search for in our twenties after realizing there's nothing left for us where we are. I came back to Ohio for the sake of the family business, but I miss Vegas so damn much. As soon as I can afford to, I'm buying a second house there.

wedding
On 10/31/09, Todd and I will be married. It will rule.  For the most part, I think the wedding industry can eat a bag of dicks and I'm doing all I can to sidestep a lot of it while planning my own wedding.

Yes, that's right. I'm logging all ankle activity for the next week.

Easy practice. Needed to stretch/roll my ankle a little after about twenty minutes of assorted skating, but that was it. Some discomfort, but no actual PAIN. Was able to do snowplow stops without hurting and was able to actually concentrate on strategy and what I was doing rather than just think about my ankle.

I'm cautiously optimistic.

oh good lord i cannot stop giggling at this. i want todd to make me one.

Okay, now my ankle is just fucking with me. Barely any pain at practice Sunday night. Went to my doc appointment anyway this morning and got a referral to a sports physician.

SPENT TWO HOURS AND THEN SOME WALKING AND STANDING ON CONCRETE TODAY and no pain whatsoever. Even the constant ache I've had since late fall? Gone.

I am so confused.

I'll write down any pain I experience this week and take that to the sports physician.

Dude . . . I don't even know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfxCnZ4Dp3c

sure it's an ad, but this is hysterical. mc hammer pants. dancing flashmob.

but the tragic part? i was at work and wanted to show this to two of my coworkers, but i realized they wouldn't get the joke because one would have been in preschool when MC hammer was popular and the other WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN BORN YET.

you kids get off my lawn.

 I'm heading back to the doctor for my ankle on Monday.  It just WON'T. STOP. HURTING.  Hell, it hurts right now.  I'm hoping for a referral to a sports medicine specialist.  I can skate on it, but I still seem to need fairly frequent breaks during practice and it's still way too unpredictable for me to be bouting and it's really hindering my progress.

Every time I take a corner or do any lateral movement, my ankle feels like it has a knife in it.

If a doctor told me, "Go ahead and push through the pain, this is normal, you're not going to damage it any further," I'd be fine to keep pushing it, but I'm just way too worried right now.

I've had trouble with this ankle since I was a kid doing ballet, so it's not like this is anything new.  Maybe I need physical therapy?  Or a nice new robot ankle?

I'm just so irritated right now.

Last night I had what was guaranteed to be the first of many pre-wedding nightmares.  I dreamed that none of the vendors showed up.  As in our officiant, the caterers, the band, whoever was supposed to set out the furniture . . . . . everything.  So, some random stranger led Todd and me through our vows, and we sat on the floor playing music off my laptop.  In addition, my bridesmaids had made truly godawful alterations to their dresses.

Either my subconscious was trying to tell me that being around the people we love is more important than anything else . . . .

 . . . . or it was just fucking with me.

i just spent an hour filling out paperwork to deny an unemployment claim for someone i had fired.  does this make me The Man now?  i think it may.

 we've been having a tarot card reader every thursday at empire.  it creates a healthy amount of intrigue, gets people in the door, and gives everyone who gets a reading an emotional attachment to the store.  after a fair amount of coaxing, i agreed to start trading thursdays with her:  one week she does tarot, one week i read palms.  

this was my third week doing it, and it's catching on.  i think there's some word of mouth happening.  this afternoon i read for probably an hour and a half solid, really only pausing to look up and ask who was next.  if i may pat myself on the back for a minute, i'd forgotten how damn good i am at reading palms.

i also booked an event on KSU campus next month, reading for several hours at a carnival sort of event.  i'll also be teaching a class sometime soon.

it's like 2003 all over again, except i'm not completely insane.

 got a bridal spam in my email today with the subject line "will dark gums ruin your wedding day smile?".

WHAT.

okay, seriously.  i'm a girl.  i'm reasonably vain.  however, if i made a list of things that have crossed my mind regarding how i look at my wedding or even things that have crossed my mind, period, that would not be on or anywhere near that list.  i eat right and exercise already.  i thought about trying to lose about twenty pounds, but decided i'm fine how i am in that department.  my wedding-day beauty routine will probably consist of making sure i don't have giant roots showing on my hair, buying some new makeup, and lay off doing contact at practice for a week or two so i'm not walking down the aisle with a black eye or some shit.

are dark gums even a real problem or did some cosmetic dentist just make that up?  if your gums are the wrong color, there's probably something wrong inside your body that needs more than a dentist to be fixed.

god, i hate the wedding industry.

 it's been just over a week since my doctor told me to sit the fuck down, and i'm feeling about 65% better.  my ankle is a little stiff when i wake up in the morning and there's a little pain if i walk around too much, but that's about it.  i'm still under doctor's orders to stay off it for two more weeks, though.

when the weather is rainy and lame and you're in serious pain, you don't *want* to do anything but sulk and sleep.  now that it's beautiful outside and i'm feeling mostly better, i would like to do the following:

-go run or skate on the bike trail
-take leela for a nice walk or even to the dog park
-clean the living shit out of my house
-take my sheets and pillows down to the basement and wash them
-go down to the basement to my sewing machine and make something (throw pillows for the bed, a skirt, anything)
-go outside and do some sun salutations that actually involve the sun
-detail my cars

i can do none of these because they all could de-stabilize my ankle.  UGHHHHHHHH.  i can't even read much because i need a new glasses prescription.

i can sit here with my laptop and work on wedding plans, and i can watch television.  i can do a core-muscle workout on my stability ball.  that's pretty much it for me for two more weeks.  i wish i could drink.  i wish i hadn't quit smoking pot when i found out i had asthma.  i often enjoy being lazy, but not when it's forced.  i hate to whine, but i'm BORED.