June 23rd, 2007

kitty!

an open letter

dear random soccer mom in front of me in the checkout line at target,

well, thanks for making me feel young again. just when i thought i had gotten too old for anyone to cluck, sigh disapprovingly, and tell me that i'm ruining my natural beauty, you did just that.

as i was putting my hair products and cleaning supplies on the conveyor belt and your little girl was asking you what suicide was (i seriously was about to tell her), you made eye contact with me, gestured toward my septum ring and said, "ohhhh honey . . . . your face . . . " in a tone that made it sound like someone had just punched me in it.

you felt the need to continue.

"you could have been a MODEL with that face."

ummmmmm . . . . .

1. i have been. just not the kind you were referring to.

2. for the kind of modeling you do with your clothes on, my face is actually far less than ideal. i have a very round face with a weak jawline and pretty much invisible cheekbones. it will age very well, but not so good for modeling.

3. my face aside, i'm approximately a foot too short for modeling.

4. you're implying that modeling is something to aspire to instead of, say, being interestingly weird or not being overly concerned with falling into society's template of "pretty." nice example you're setting for your daughter there.

5. you probably assumed i was a teenager in need of some guidance. i'm actually damn near thirty, a contributing member of society, and just happen to enjoy my face full of metal.

6. simply put, SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I PUT MY FOOT IN YOUR POORLY-TONED ASS. WHEN I WANT YOUR OPINION, I'LL BEAT IT OUT OF YOU, YOU NARROW-MINDED CUNT.

consider yourself lucky that i ignored you.

--gwyn
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